Children are the priority

Divorce is often a difficult time for children. Not only for you as parents, but also at ESH, the children are the priority. Children often indicate that they want to be heard so that they can express their needs and wishes. They also can have many questions about a divorce and they may feel that the divorce is their fault. It is therefore very important to take into account the feelings and wishes of the children when making arrangements. It is also important to communicate clearly so the children know where they stand.

When you decide to divorce and you have children, it is legally required to draw up a parenting plan. In the parenting plan, important matters are agreed and recorded, such as the division of care and the division of costs regarding the children. We will of course guide you in this matter and also prepare the required document.

In addition, there may be child support. Making agreements about the costs of the children can bring a lot of peace of mind. We will make an alimony calculation according to the Tremanorm and also check whether you are eligible for any benefits and/or compensations.

How do we tell the children?

When you have decided to get a divorce, it can be a difficult step to tell the children about this decision. For children, this decision often comes very unexpectedly. A divorce is not only life-changing for you, but also for the children. It is therefore important to pay a lot of attention and care in communicating to the children about the divorce. Below are a few tips that can help you.

• Don't tell your children about the divorce until you've officially decided to get a divorce. If it is not yet certain, do not talk about it because the lack of clarity can make children insecure.
• For children, the moment their parents told them about the divorce is often a moment when their lives changed forever. It is therefore important that uncertainty and fear about what is coming, is limited. Make sure that you make clear agreements in advance about matters that have an impact on the children, for example about where they will live.
• It is also very important that you tell the children together. In this way, the children feel that the decision was made together and that neither parent is more responsible for the divorce than the other. Also, don't make the children feel like they have to pick sides.
• Children are often inclined to blame themselves for the cause of a divorce. During the conversation, emphasize that this is absolutely not the case and explain to them that there is nothing they can do about the situation.
• Make sure that the children stay in their familiar rhythm, even if one of you leaves for example. A familiar environment creates a safe and secure feeling for children.
• Keep in mind that you don't say negative things about each other to the children. After all, what goes on between you is none of the children's business. It is also very confusing for children to hear negative things about their parent. And it is important that children maintain a good relationship with both parents.
• Make the divorce negotiable for the children. Changes can be very difficult for children. Therefore, make sure that you keep an eye on how the children are doing, even after a divorce.